18 - 7 - 09

today whole day no mood
bothering something that couldn't be changed
keep thinking of it
from morning until now
it is a big shock
for me
AGAIN!!!
know the answer already
but still want insist on
been hurt again and again
still didn't wake up
very suffering
this kind of feeling
still hoping a little small chance
can change the fact
so stupid and naive

so sorry for my 宣传 group member
can't help them today
looking them busy
from morning 11.30am until 9.00pm
doing the designing thing for the 华协之夜
I don't know how to use
CorelDraw and Photoshop
and I also no mood on helping them
just sitting and laying there
can't do anything
thinking of many many things
that had been happen
from beginning until now
and thinking about the future

no mood to eat also
eat brunch at 2pm
then no feeling of hungry until night
with group member go KFC
eat dinner at 10pm
back room already 11.30pm

i totally lost today
feeling of losing a whole world
feel like entering darkness hell
can't return to surface of Earth
can't feel the warmness of Sun
only cool and alone

learned something today
if felt sad and down
don't be alone
out with some friends
or some strangers

I just realize that my group member
very very funny
although joining them at half way
just knowing 2 or 3 of them
being a strangers to them a whole day
making new friends with them
although still don't know what their name
sorry..
although alone at there a whole day
not much communication with them
but still can help me not thinking too much
watching their funny reaction
very very interesting..
haha..
help me relieve a bit
although they don't know i have encounter problem
with the feeling and mind things
hehe..

I also don't like to voice it out
only tell the one that i very trusted
someone 1 that not so close to me
so that I won't be too stress
if i telling to the person who always hanging out with me

very cloudy very cool
although weather very good and hot today
but raining deep inside my heart
I can't stop that rain
for now
so don't ask me what had happen
i don't want people knowing too much about me
if people asking
I also will smile smile
ignore the question
giving another stupid answer

I always alone
not much friends since primary secondary school
no friends can talk heart to heart de
enter USM 1st sem
also alone
but have change
start 2nd sem
don't like the feeling of getting alone
and now totally boycott "IT"
everyday don't want stay at room
everyday want go outside
2nd sem start with Civil and Mechanic friends
don't know why making good friends with Civil
maybe not same course
not so stress hanging out with them
now want with my Materials course mates
after 1 year I just start want to be friends with them
><"
so slow baru want to hang out with them
haiz
sorry to my course mates